Skeletons in my closet

The title of this blog has never made more sense to me than it does today. There are two flaws (of many) that have that continue to plague me. 1. I’m always right. 2. I’m never wrong. You can imagine what kind of havoc these two flaws cause. Then there are three personality dispositions that get me in even more trouble. I have a very critical eye, a scathing tongue, and feel everything deeply. I am sure that these three dispositions can be redeemed. There are many areas within the church that need a critical eye. A scathing tongue can be helpful in dealing with sin, and the lies that we tell one another. And passion can obviously be beneficial in the church in motivating, gathering, and rallying people when done in an edifying manner.

However, it’s when all of these traits/flaws marry that I find myself in deep, deep trouble. Whether discussing how someone preaches, manages people, organizes a ministry, spends money, etc., my general approach is 1. Point out what’s wrong in a sarcastic and demeaning way. Sometimes I even find myself camouflaging this under a veneer of charm. Then 2. Defend my position vehemently. The irony of it is that today this very thing happened in defense of how we preach the gospel, the very message that presupposes our own deficiencies, inabilities, and weaknesses.

The water gets muddy for me specifically because my mind knows the concept that I elaborate is true, but my emotions feel it stronger than they ought. While God gave me both mind and heart to be used to edify the body of Christ, they too are still not wholly His. The gospel allows me to freely speak to my own inadequacies and extend enormous amounts of grace to those around me. The fact that I have an obvious inability to extend grace to certain people is evidence that the gospel must take root further in my heart. I must revisit consistently the message of my own depravity. I must revisit consistently the truth that God saved me, NOT because I am ever right. When God saved me, he did give me certain spiritual gifts, but, to quote a friend of mine, being right isn’t one of those.

All this to say, as the gospel takes root in us, it makes us fully human. As the gospel takes root in me, I become less and less the distorted version of me that sin has created, and more and more the redeemed version of me that God rescued. This doesn't mean that we become personality-less, passionless, cookie-cut Christians, but, that we still contend for truth, fight false teaching, point out sin, but all in the grace that has been extended to us. That we also, forgive with great emotion, show compassion with strength, vehemently show mercy. All because He did it for us. All of those things.