2012 - In Your Doings and Gettings, Be With God

I’m not really one for resolutions.  I’m undisciplined, terribly manipulative in my own mind and can justify doing/not doing just about anything I want, and I don’t necessarily think that humans develop in a linear manner.  That said, I do think that I have a goal for 2012.

Over the last two weeks I read a book titled With: Reimagining the way you relate to God. The main premise is that many of us live life over, from, under, or for God.  When, in reality, we ought to be living life WITH God.  In all of the other four approaches something else is the focus other than God.  Life over God, we are the focus.  God is pretty irrelevant.  Life from God, what we get from God is the focus.  Life under God, how God responds to our deeds and misdeeds is the focus.  And Life for God, the way that we accomplish what God wants us to is the focus.  None of them capture the essence of a relationship with God.

I have spent a lot of 2011 running around.  I have been working hard at doing a lot of things FOR God.  Whether it is in ministry – spending time with students, teaching, studying, and seminary or whether it is personally trying to be generous, loving, a better listener, it was all FOR God.  All of these things are good and helpful, but it seems like quite a bit of effort if you ask me.  And you should ask me, since it was me in 2011 doing these things. 

I have spent a decent chunk trying to get things from God.  I want him to bless my ministry, marriage, and other relationships.  I want him to take care of my wife and me financially.  I want him to make me a better man, husband, pastor etc.  All of these things have become idols at one point or another. 

And then I read Psalm 46 this morning.  David elaborates on just how enormous God is.  No matter what may take place, seas crashing, mountains moving, even if the earth gives way (whatever that means, but it sounds horrible), God is in charge.  Ultimately, you aren’t.  In all of my efforts to get things from Him or do things for Him, I genuinely think that I am something of impact.  That somehow I can effect the order of the cosmos, or bring rain on the dry souls of high school students, or produce in my life and marriage a crop of love and faithfulness that is impossible for any human to produce.  David brilliantly illustrates just how big God is revealing just how small we are.

And then, he closes with what is my goal for 2012.  It’s simple really.  So simple it’s kind of silly to make it a goal.  But those seem to be the kinds of things that I need to make goals out of.  Here it is, ready?  God is speaking and says “Be still, and know that I am God”.  That’s it.  That is my goal for 2012.  I want to look back at 2012 and be able to say “that was the year that I was still and KNEW that He was God.”  

I am sure that this year I will try to do lots for God.  I am certain that on many occasions I will attempt to get things from God.  But my desparate cry, the longing of my soul for 2012 is that those things that I do for Him, and those things that I seek from Him are dauntingly overshadowed by my desire to be WITH Him.  That, comparatively, I won’t want things from Him or things for Him, that what I will want is Him.  That for the first time in my life, I can genuinely say that I sought Him first, knowing that all of the other things may or may not be added.  I want this year to be the year that I sell everything to buy the field to get the hidden treasure. 

Folks, I can’t make you resolve to do this.  I can’t make this your goal.  But I can tell you, that whatever you will treasure in 2012, there is only one thing worth treasuring.  It is God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  He is the gift of salvation.  He is the gospel.  He is the good news.  You get God.  Sure, lose weight, read books, be a more loving father, husband, etc., but in all of your doings and gettings, be WITH God this year.

Reflections on Guatemala 2011

The climate is pretty similar, actually. Chicago is about to be frozen over for the next 4 months. All the trees give up their bloom for another time, reminding us that everything needs to be revived. The Guatemala city garbage dump personifies winter in absolutely every facet. Winter, in the way that C.S. Lewis portrays in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. No matter where you look, the scalding-hot-putrid-trash-smelling garbage dump is solid ice. Lifeless. Cold. At every corner there are more and more stories that are a biting cold reminding you that spring has not arrived.

Take Oscar, for example. His father was murdered. Slit throat maybe, maybe a bullet. Three of his mother’s cousins were murdered. His aunt was murdered. In an effort to get her children out of horrendous neighborhood she arrogated another plot of land, which is how you do it in a community that the government has no desire to control. In the new house, she was the victim of another enemy. Nature. In the torrential storms, that enslaved everyone in their homes for the month of October, everything that she owned was ruined. She owns nothing, now. Oscar, his mom, and his 3 siblings live in a tiny room with his uncle who has been seriously injured. His uncle sleeps in the bed, and the five in Oscar’s family sleep on the floor. Oh, and yes, they call a garbage dump their hometown.

A little old lady, who scavenged the garbage for resources, working long days to provide for her five children, has since been abandoned by all but 2. Only one works, and sends her money when he can. Of course he lives on less than $2-a-day. As you can imagine, there’s not much to send. In her one-room house, the 74-year-old longs for companionship. Her husband has long since passed away. Her lungs ache in pain due to infection from breathing in methane day-after-day for years. She smiles, flashing one solitary tooth. But, she smiles.

There, are however, a few blossoms. Like walking down the street in April seeing the grass stab through the melting snow. Jamileta is 16 years old. Oldest in her family. Her father, too, was murdered. Her mother knew that Jamileta needed an escape. The depression that overcame her with her father’s passing was going to plague all of Jamileta’s future, and likely the future of their family. Her mother signed her up at Potter’s House. She met Jesus. Her grades soared. She gained a scholarship for a local high school. Having nothing, she feared the mockery of the other lower/middle class kids that would be in her grade. They had enough money to buy shoes, she probably had to find hers. But, she outperformed every one of them. She received another scholarship to an even better school. Same story. She is entering one of the better high schools in the country in January. Her peers will have no idea what she has overcome to get there. But she attributes it to one thing. Despite her father being ripped from her life at an early age, crippling poverty, tight quarters, sickness, and this debilitating cycle all around her, Jesus rescued her. In her own words, “God is faithful”.

And here we are. The majority of us hung-over from the feasts we celebrated over the weekend, denying ourselves nothing. Certainly in gratefulness, but a gratefulness that is decidedly blind to these “weightier matters” during the holidays. We gorge ourselves on turkey, and then stand in lines for digital cameras on black Friday. And everything in side of me screams at my own conscience “who are you to judge?” I am no one to judge. But Christ will. Sifted like wheat. Separated like goats from sheep. It will be evident whose faith was genuine, and whose was not. Spring is coming. And our version of winter pales in comparison to the version that freezes the Guatemala City garbage dump. And Chicago will eventually see it’s physical spring bloom in a couple of months. But many will remain frozen, gripped by the cold and lifeless hands of a world that needs remade. Christ is King. And he is bringing spring. And we, the first fruits, his bride, agents of spring, ambassadors of a new kingdom, are here as the tiny blossom on the barren tree. He has made spring in us. And I pray my life stands out, colorful against the gray, gloomy, and dreary background of winter. Evidence that a new day is coming. Longing to be joined by others.

Skeletons in my closet

The title of this blog has never made more sense to me than it does today. There are two flaws (of many) that have that continue to plague me. 1. I’m always right. 2. I’m never wrong. You can imagine what kind of havoc these two flaws cause. Then there are three personality dispositions that get me in even more trouble. I have a very critical eye, a scathing tongue, and feel everything deeply. I am sure that these three dispositions can be redeemed. There are many areas within the church that need a critical eye. A scathing tongue can be helpful in dealing with sin, and the lies that we tell one another. And passion can obviously be beneficial in the church in motivating, gathering, and rallying people when done in an edifying manner.

However, it’s when all of these traits/flaws marry that I find myself in deep, deep trouble. Whether discussing how someone preaches, manages people, organizes a ministry, spends money, etc., my general approach is 1. Point out what’s wrong in a sarcastic and demeaning way. Sometimes I even find myself camouflaging this under a veneer of charm. Then 2. Defend my position vehemently. The irony of it is that today this very thing happened in defense of how we preach the gospel, the very message that presupposes our own deficiencies, inabilities, and weaknesses.

The water gets muddy for me specifically because my mind knows the concept that I elaborate is true, but my emotions feel it stronger than they ought. While God gave me both mind and heart to be used to edify the body of Christ, they too are still not wholly His. The gospel allows me to freely speak to my own inadequacies and extend enormous amounts of grace to those around me. The fact that I have an obvious inability to extend grace to certain people is evidence that the gospel must take root further in my heart. I must revisit consistently the message of my own depravity. I must revisit consistently the truth that God saved me, NOT because I am ever right. When God saved me, he did give me certain spiritual gifts, but, to quote a friend of mine, being right isn’t one of those.

All this to say, as the gospel takes root in us, it makes us fully human. As the gospel takes root in me, I become less and less the distorted version of me that sin has created, and more and more the redeemed version of me that God rescued. This doesn't mean that we become personality-less, passionless, cookie-cut Christians, but, that we still contend for truth, fight false teaching, point out sin, but all in the grace that has been extended to us. That we also, forgive with great emotion, show compassion with strength, vehemently show mercy. All because He did it for us. All of those things.

Training for the Marathon

At the risk of sounding cliche, I have been forming many spiritual connections with my marathon training. There are certainly the obvious ones, like "running the race set before us" and the necessity for training in the "marathon of life". bleh! But there are others. Ones that are deeper for me. Connections and things I'm learning that I never would have learned if I hadn't begun this process.

Let me give you the back story. I got fat. I went to Nicaragua and got terribly sick to my stomach, over the course of the next month and a half I lost 15 pounds. I'll let you figure out how. I wanted to keep the weight off so I started running again. The first day I went out and ran .85 miles. It was painful. I used to play soccer. I used to be able to run forever... and now, .85 miles. Humbling at best.

I continued running and worked up to running about 10-12 miles a week. I'd run 3 times a week. A friend of mine decided he was going to run a marathon and I decided it would be a pretty neat accomplishment, so I went for it. And here I am, 6 weeks away from running it. It's been exhausting, humbling, painful, frustrating, time-consuming. I have a long way to go in these 6 weeks still. It's been many things, and I haven't been nearly as disciplined as I ought. Which leads me to what I've been learning.

1. Discipline takes time.
I think it's easy for many of us to want to become disciplined people in an instant. We set up a plan, organize our schedule whatever it may be, but discipline is formed over long periods of time. It isn't just deciding one morning "I'm going to be disciplined", it's a lot more involved. It's been a matter of prayer, honestly. I've prayed to have the strength to get up and run, mainly because I wake up and can't feel my knees or feet at times.

2. We must rest
This is such an awesome thought. I read this verse the other day Psalm 3:5 "I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me." The very fact that we have to rest is a beautiful concept. We are the creature, not the creator. Every single day for 6-9 hours we all must stop everything that we are doing, accomplishing, working towards and close our eyes and reset. A humbling concept, indeed. What are we that God would be mindful of us? There have been times where I have run too many days in a row harder than I should have. I paid for it the next couple of days. God wired us to realize just how dependent we are upon him.

3. Endurance
It's difficult to run and not think about endurance. James talks about endurance, Jesus endured, Paul references endurance. Endurance, being able to deal with difficulty, struggle, hurt, pain, temptation in a successful way for a long-period of time. I went out for a 15 mile run last Saturday. It was hot. I made it 9.5. And I was slapped in the face with a picture of just how big of a moron I am. I do this with Jesus all the time. I presume more of myself than I am. I don't realize that he carries me every step of the way. My endurance isn't something that I have trained myself for, it is something that he gives to me consistently as I come to Him for grace.

Hebrews 12 is obviously the verse that has been on my mind a lot. When I go to run the marathon, I'm anxious to see my wife and other friends that will be there to support. That will energize me. 26.2 miles is a long way, but it is not nearly as long of a way when I remember that I'm not the first to do this. Millions of people have done this before me and are a testament to the fact that I can finish, and I can finish well.